DIEs XMas Special in Yokohama

You cannot see DIE-san here, but listen…
just close your eyes and listen to the keyboard…
It is DIE-san
isn’t this just plain AWESOME?



the Miracle.. hide’s voice called me!

DIE & CUTT  rocking the place
(Ignore the Japanese names for now :P)

Maybe I should write a lot about the music and such here…
or not….
Tonight I will tell you how totally amazing this is
To be here….
To see DIE-san and even chat with him afterwards.
………… Pink Spider you called me here!

Put yourself in my situation here…  just for a moment:
You live your life in whatever-country you are now
You learn your own native language. You grow up with your habits
and then you get a chronic and very bad illness already as a child.
An illness that now and then must be treated with tons of
medicines, and you often have a lot  of pain and suffering physically!

For those of you who know me since childhood, it is no
surprise that I have been fighting my illness and kicking back hard
and often not chosen the easiest path…
it all came to this!
The sense of pride I have tonight for my accomplishments!
Maybe I’m not the most successful person in every other person’s
but I am very grateful that I have this crazy gift of courage!
Because now after growing up in your place many years later
you rebel against everything as you know it,
You say EFF YOU to your illness (and actually I did not even bring
any pain meds here to Japan)

I settled in the center of a city with 3 times as many people
as my whole native country, and I don’t understand S*&T of what
people are saying, and I can’t read their language either
But I still figure out where to go to find these amazing people
…. that my heart told me to find.

In May when I first came to Miura Reien…
I didn’t know why I was there…
Then even more crazy than some people probably thought was
possible, I uprooted from everything i ‘have’ or by now… had….
friends (but not really my heart is always with me), house,
marriage, car, clothes, jewelry, paintings, dogs, schedule,
professors, campus, grocery stores, foods, smells, loves……
and all the other things you know you are attached to…

I left them for this….
to be here in a bar, with people I don’t know,
who speak a language I don’t speak,  just because an inner
voice told me to jump and leave it all behind….
Yes this is it !!! this is really it….
I was lead HERE!!
This is where a PINK SPIDER would land after that crazy longing
for the sky….for freedom, for a new life
Imagine …
I followed an inner voice from hide in May,
and here I am sitting and chatting with DIE-san, one of hide’s
band-mates and close friends, a little less than 6 months later!!

ピンクスパイダー 空は呼んでいる

THANK YOU  ALL!!! This aint over yet…..  ♡





Club Citta says: Happy Birthday hide!






Get a feel video

hide’s BIRTHDAY Party 2011

so you can get a feel for how it was to be there…
Not allowed to video shoot the actual live performances though




Never ending stream of cosplayers

hide ….

if you love hide, then this is a must go to event!

Personally I do have issues when there is too much merch hysteria
around hide’s person, but this is beyond merchandise and objects…

This is a Love Fest…. a tribute, a fest, a fiesta, a birthday party,
a music fest, a VIsual Kei Day, a live gig day…
One giant celebration!

Also an afternoon and evening to just totally immerse in hide’s music,
his creativity and all that he left for us,
the people that he left behind…
many of them were here at Club Citta
and many of them performing, making music,
and just lovingly present and perform together

and they shared their love, and pain as well,
just imagine for a moment…
close your eyes and think of someone you love,
a very close friend, a very very close friend….
then just imagine the unthinkable…
this person dies long before you do…..
and then still lives on in the world through fans, through music that
becomes legendary,  through images..
everywhere and every day around you

Now of course that gives you a lot of happiness Im sure…
Others are able to hear the music, feel the love, the extreme
creativity that overflows from hide…..
and yet there is also the pain of loss..
Yoshiki talks about it, and so does many of the others,
but the one I sense it from the most…
who seems to send vibes of pain from loss the most, is I.N.A.
His birthday is the day before hide’s…
not just December 12th, but he was born before midnight
and the date became December 13th, that same year, 1964.

I don’t know them well enough, or their story, I wasn’t around in
Japan way back when… so this is only from my own perception,
seeing these people up close
When I.N.A. talked about hide,  and he was up there playing hide’s
videos and songs…
I just felt his body having a certain level of
pain but also of love of course

a rusty nail……

I’m looking at a rose painted on my memory’s pieces
It covers my interrupted memories in my unchanged dreams
Oh rusty nail

If I only let my tears flowing,
I would perhaps be able to forget you
Just tell me my life
Wherever I will walk,
In my tears I won’t see my tomorrows

I forget the ended week-end’s wounds
Even shrouded by the flowing time they pierce my heart
Oh rusty nail

If I only let my tears flowing,
I would perhaps be able to forget you
An asleep rose of a beautiful color faded
Blooms in your heart

If your smiling face lived, certainly
The night reflecting in your eyes would only let a shining dream
You go and meet morning, forgetting loneliness
You shroud with your tears your red wrists
Night is ending

My memory’s door shakes when I close it
It covers my interrupted memories on my blue lips
Oh rusty nail

If I only let my tears flowing,
I would perhaps be able to forget you
Just tell me my life
Wherever I will walk,
In my tears I won’t see my tomorrows

Your broke my painful heart… even now
I can’t forget you