Opening My Eyes

Why write?
A memoir is a collection of memories.
My memories.
My selected memories.

Crazy_cool_Joe_me


Writing my story based on my memories from a series, or a selection,
of events and experiences in my life.
Certain memories will create a thread and with these memory threads
I will create a web of meaning and understanding.

I’m not writing an auto-biography.
Maybe I will later in life, but for now I’m just trying to make sense
of my life, by examining what I have gone through.
I am examining all my memories, and I’m already in the process of
getting ‘eureka moments’…
enlightenments and insights about myself.

The words of my mentor and friend echo in my head.
Over the past 3 years in particular she has been trying to
explain to me why I should refocus my energy…
stand my ground and
be true to my starting point.
Where was that? How did I begin?
What has changed?

Yui

And not drain myself the way I was doing.
Not giving of my time (and money) and energy
as much as I had been doing,
but focus on my foundation and my mission.
Yes,
Not follow the needs of others,
but stay true to my mission.

Stay true to my call from the sky.
True to my mission.
Keep my integrity.
And all along…..
this has been my responsibility to myself,
I can’t blame anyone else for this.
..and yet….. I wasn’t even aware….

hide

I wasn’t able to see it.
At all….!!
But ..well now seeing all these memories spread out on my time line,
I suddenly became aware!
I could see it!!
Aware of the change that has come into my work
into my life, over time.
And even if a lot of it was amazing, fun, wonderful memories,
I had also little by little changed my path.
I wasn’t even aware
and I was too proud to listen,
to even try to listen and understand.
and way too HAPPY with my life
just the way it was.
After all just recently I came out of surgery
and made it out alive from cancer.
I didn’t want to miss a single moment of the euphoria,
and the love I felt.

Anna Post cancer surgery Oxygen

Now I will just have to take these memories and put them into a story.
A story that will communicate my perspective and truth to others.

Tsuyoshi Smle Oct 2012

How I got from there … for example from  listening to
DAZZLE! and seeing Tsuyoshi’s smile.
….to this moment today!

According to http://writingthroughlife.com/
There are 5 reasons for writing

  1. Writing your memoir helps you to identify the threads and themes in your life and make sense of what you’ve lived.
  2. Writing about your life is a healing and transformative journey.
  3. Your memoir contributes to recorded history and is your legacy
    to family, friends, and the world.
  4. It provides a way to share your experiences, world view, life lessons, and wisdom with others.
  5. It connects you with others who have experienced the same or similar situations, providing encouragement, comfort, and inspiration. It helps others understand they are not alone in their experiences.

So yes this makes sense.
Number 1 I’m already starting to see the effects of.
The somewhat traumatic feelings in the beginning of this year
must have been a result of previous actions.
If I don’t examine those previous events, I won’t ever be able to grow,
to learn
to move forward
without understanding, I won’t be ale to heal
so number 2 is also a given because..
well, because I do want to heal,
I want to amend,
I want to forgive
and to be forgiven.
I want to be understood!

Number 3 Is a hope for me, that through my story readers will gain
a peek into scenes they might be interested in.
Maybe some of you have thought about a similar journey,
Maybe you want to know more on a personal level how I
with my Western background (whatever that is?)
interpreted what I experienced in Japan.
Maybe my Japanese friends, and Japanese people in general,
want to know more about who I am?
What I have done in Japan.
Who I met.
What the outcome was…
well nr 4 then ties in with the above.

Number 5 .. Maybe so… that remains to be seen if there are others
out there who feel they can connect with my journey..
because
yes I long for being understood,
and like all people I want to feel like I belong somewhere,
that I am connected.

So how do I go about this?
Well honestly I have never before written a book.
So I need skills and tools.
According to Stephen King, and many other authors,
reading is essential, as is writing.
So that’s why I started this blogging streak,
to get it going…
For reading I read both non-fiction and fiction.
Non-fiction for picking up skills,
fiction to improve my vocabulary.

Telling True Stories

This was it for today!
Tomorrow I’m thinking of sharing some actual memories with you!

 

 

 

 

Touched

TOUCHED!!!
Thank you soo much for messages (like the one quoted below)
here on tumblr, to my email and on Facebook!
I’m seriously touched, and it makes me feel even more convinced that
I AM doing the right thing, and hide indeed knows what he is doing when
he is inspiring me to make a WEB through music.
A web of friendship and LOVE that reaches across borders and cultures;
A PINK SPIDER WEB that works through MUSIC and within people…
and touches our HEARTS!!
>>>
” I just love your posts! I guess I am kind of living vicariously here XD
Took a lot of guts to do what you did, I admire you quite a lot.
It’s also a joy to run into another passionate adult music fan.
WE ARE X 😉 

Tell Me

hide’s BIRTHDAY 

Video from Miura reien on his Birthday Dec 13th 2011

The videos from Miura are in honor of his BIRTHDAY
and also for ALL of those who couldn’t be up here today,
Japan or in Metropolitan Tokyo area.
Where ever you are and who ever you are…
hide is singing a song for you!

I’m telling you….

WE LOVE YOU!     YOU LOVE US!
….. like pink clouds in the sky…. 

Tell me….

Even if I expose myself to the brilliant wind
It won’t go away, I look at myself
I come over to you, without showing my attitude
My outline is revealed

My body dances in illusion
A pantomime opposite of my heart
I bury the wounds which begin to open
In order to be myself

Tell me, somebody tell me, please tell me.
Even if it’s in inaudible words
Tell me, somebody tell me, please tell me.

Your voice has not reached me yet
Even if I search for a distorted love
I covet only what does not have an answer or meaning
My voice goes along
Until I’m ashes, I won’t be able to hear it

Tell me, somebody tell me, please tell me.
Who is the one who shuts my eyes?
Tell me, somebody tell me, please tell me.
Do I see you through my eyes?

Tell me, somebody tell me, please tell me.
Can I see myself in you?
Tell me, somebody tell me, please tell me.
I can’t see myself in me

Tell me, somebody tell me, please tell me.
Even if it’s in inaudible words
Tell me, somebody tell me, please tell me.

Your voice has not reached me yet

Singin’ my song for me.
Singin’ your song for you.
Singin’ my song for me.
Singin’ your song for you.

 

 

 

 

Blue is the color

The color of her hair made me think of
BLUE BLOOD……
now Blue Blood I hear

hide BIRTHDAY 2011

at Miura Reien

 

 

 

Stay Free

HAPPY BIRTHDAY hide
Celebrating your birthday here at Miura Reien…..

no…don’t be sad …
I’m just here with your BIRTHDAY CARD dear….

If you say you’re sad, then so is the blue of the sky
You’d cry over the restlessness of not being able to reach
the dreams that embrace your small body, swallow the pain,
and become brilliant

Stay free my misery If you reach your hands You will feel Catching the falling pain with both arms
Stay free my misery Love, hate, accepting everything as they are
Stay free my misery