Sugizo – Tree of Life

SuGiZo – Tree of Life

I bought it on a day when the moon was FULL….
and this was one of the few things that worked out great today…
a lot of stuff did NOT go my way..
so this will be about my life and my day, my tree of life and not much about Sugizo LOL

Then again when I got home, around midnight, I summed it all up …

…and you know it’s really funky how we tend to emotionally really can mess up our
experiences, whether it be over a day, a week or a life time…
I was upset because for a ton of silly mishaps and ‘emergencies’.
I ended up being so delayed that I (and well Phoe-Lo too) had to skip a LIVE tonight

The other ‘bad’ thing that happened was that I bought a Japanese iTunes card and my American account still blocks it out.
So these two things made me think gaaah what a day…
but then when I looked at the whole picture….I saw something different, or maybe
I saw it differently
……
a hide-miracle happened, and I got a last minute appointment for doing the
tattoo
that I felt was so important to me already before leaving for Japan,
and was one of the must do things here in Japan!
I was just sitting at dinner time and talking with Phoe-Lo and I said to her:
“Well the tattoo I guess just wasn’t meant to happen, because the only time I have now
would be Thursday after 6 pm, and the only place I know about said they didn’t have any
times until next week….”
…..
Why does hide always have to do miracles in very the last minute ?? ha ha ha
After midnight I got an email in my inbox… one of the tattoo guys said he could
come in on Thursday and do it for me.. would 7PM/19:00 o’clock be a good time…
WOW… Yes yes yes!
by the way this is the text that will be embodied …or embedded or.. inked…
or ha ha ha ha  it will be tattooed…

ピンクスパイダー 空は呼んでいる

the very same words I heard at Miura Reien in May…when I decided that YES I should
jump, leap, fly… and catch a pink cloud …and be in Japan….for a reason that wasn’t
totally clear to me.….

Also I was upset at Tower Records in Ikebukuro for not having the Ra:IN album I wanted
to buy…but I should choose to be happy that they could put one on hold in the
Shibuya store for it…
See there is always a choice on how to react.…but we all tend forget that..

Same when the Izakaya here downstairs had no table … first I was upset..
or well not toooo bad, but I was a little annoyed, but then, because of it, we
decided to go to the little Spanish place across the street.. and
WOW I got a glass of the best Rioja Crianza wine with just the perfect temperature…
so what am I really whining about and WHY?

To relearn takes time because we need to unlearn old ways of thinking first,
old ways of reacting to our reality….

The best thing today though, was also the reason that I was delayed
( and still I felt negatively about it… weird),
was that I printed out the art work I have been working on.
It came out way better than I could possibly have hoped for, so once again I had proved
to myself that rethinking and abolishing evaluation, as well as not dividing life in terms of
good and bad is the WAY TO GO!!

I am sad, yes I am sad, to leave Japan, but on the other hand I am also
sooooo happy to be able to see some of my beloved people in the US.
Friends that I miss and love..
and now tonight, when I sat online I received a few messages that means the world to me… and I felt how my inner core started to fire up and sparkle by the thought alone
of seeing this friend again!
oh you LIFE … I OWE you MY everything…
oh yes, my life has a life of its own and it is quite
fascinating to UNFOLD it….

oh and regarding my tattoo, I got it at Tokyo Hardcore Tattoo
Highly recommend them!
https://www.facebook.com/TOKYO-HARD-CORE-TATTOO-188100754537592/

 

 

 

 

 

Really??? Mindblowing

Do these things really happen?

If I hadn’t blogged about hide,
IF I hadn’t even blogged at all about impermanence?
,,, or talking about change…how it can happen in an
instant…
… a moment can change you..

or if you put all of these things together….

If I hadn’t written about how hide can inspire a moment and create
a change…
IF hadn’t done that just yesterday….. you probably wouldn’t
believe this…
ESPECIALLY ….
you probably would have thought that I made this up because
of the name of the business on this business card I am posting here….

Design Your Life.

Doesn’t that all to well reflect what I have been blogging about
the past two days?
Imagine then that the person who is behind that letter “H”
approached me tonight at Shibuya station and asked if I
was a fan of hide.
Now look below, and you see that very video…..not the incense one…
the one below…

YES the one with all the people crossing

That crossing is at Shibuya Station….
The ride between Shibuya station and Shinjuku takes 7 minutes!!!
YUP that’s all we could talk, and we swapped business cards.
My “Pink Spider” one for your “Blue Sky Complex”   …

You cannot exchange much information in 7 minutes, what you can do |
is merely to exchange information, and think that maybe the other
person was also intrigued enough by this meeting, to try to find you online,
or at least not deny a possible add-request from you, IF you find them!

After Shinjuku station it takes me about 7-10 more minutes to get home.
I walk from the Yamanote train car and change lines to Odakyu line
and then I need to walk home and up to 4th floor. I live extremely close
to the Sangubashi station.

Funky thing is that I had spent the evening first with my Japanese friend,
who helped me print out some documents, and then he came with me
while I ate a lighter dinner, and we talked.
It felt good to reconnect and I was HAPPY to see him again.
We spent 3 hours chatting about his upcoming trip, and about my
recent friendship issues.
He is the one who has made so much of my stay here in Japan possible.
He is also a special friend because we share the love for X-Japan
and we met in Yokosuka after my first visit at Miura Reien so yes,
he is a special friend to me.
Meaning I truly believe hide made the connection between us.
Made it happen!

After meeting with my friend I went on to a drinking kind of meeting,
that didn’t flow quite as easily, at least not for me.
I was meeting up with a French man who showed interest in going
and seeing BUCK-TICK with me next week.
When I say it didn’t flow, it is most likely because it cannot be very easy
for anyone (esp Western males?)  to meet me first time.
Well, if you are  Japanese most Westerners are oddballs anyway,
but if you are European like me, you probably don’t know what to
make out of this woman you have in front of you.
I don’t fit into any box.

This man was no exception. I could sense that my dress-code
and my vocabulary just didn’t add up in his mind. My rock interests,
my pink hair and my big black mask in the face, just doesn’t rhyme well
with my perceived age, my actual professional career(s) or
my academic background.  (and “I talk it too”).
It was a polite and no-harm-done-kind-of-meeting,
but there was absolutely no connection over the 1,5 hours we met.
I don’t blame him.
I’m not surprised either, and I did have an alright time!
He told me, when I asked about it, a little about his job,
about his home country and about his daughter and wife.
Then we both felt like this was nice, but lets go now, and he paid
kindly (stating the fact that I am giving him a ticket so he should pay
for my wine) and we left. Surface, surface, surface… not letting the
other person know, that you too found this a waste of time!

so… I left, and walked in at the Shibuya Station….
I had my head phones on SUPER LOUD, to try to think clearly
about Vagu*Project and BUCK-TICK dang…
BUCK-TICK’s LIVE that I wanted to go for sooo long is at the
same night as a Vagu gig … but then again Vagu plays an additional
two more times in December… I just have to see BUCK-TICK….
you just cannot miss a show like that, especially not for a small
unknown band that plays at a LIVE HOUSE where you will go again
and again… or can you?

When I was standing there waiting for the Yamanote train,
all absorbed in in my own world and thinking of hide….
suddenly I SAW a guy talking to me.
Yes I did NOT hear him ha ha
I gestured back that I couldn’t hear a thing because I had,
at that moment, MUCC blasting in my ears, and I hurried turning the
music off….

…and there is where this blog started… so first a 3 hour meeting,
then a 1,5 hr meeting and the a 7 MINUTES meeting….
with three different men, three different kinds of meetings….

when I got home I found the H-man on twitter and Facebook,
and sent a request, I swear it wasn’t even a minute later when
the adds were done.

His second message was this:

“ME TOO!! Very wonderful night! Thanxxx!!!”

It was his reply to when I said that I was happy to have met him…
Then I was also thinking for myself that I felt a very special connection
with someone who opens a conversation with:
Are you a fan of hide?
and then gives me a Business Card that says:
“DESIGN your life”

I mean it was just weird….in a good way!
Now this is a young guy, and I’m not saying there was a romantic
click or something like that, but it was a MAGIC click,
and it was definitely a moment that CHANGED me..
it changed my MODE,
it changed my system…
it rather SHOOK me awake… that after blogging about:

  • hide
  • Shibuya
  • DESIGN your life 
  • and where are the guys….?

all just suddenly all of this came the freaking NEXT DAY!!!!

The other thing that freaked me out was that the long talk with
the first friend was to a large extent about HONESTY!
We talked about it and how important it is for both of us,
especially after sorting out that friendship mess,
and guess what  H-san from train writes after the first nice message
I cited above…???
He continues and writes this:
You are honest. That’s the most important thing of all.

so oh well….
no wonder people believe in this soul mate hunting thing….

THINGS Like this obviously happens….
and they HAPPEN when you least expect it!

IF YOU JUST DARE to let it happen!

This my friends is the way I LOVE TO DESIGN MY LIFE!!!!!

 

 

 

Where in the crowd? Oh, within me..

So many people…..

WHERE IS MY BELOVED ONE ???
MY SPECIAL LOVE

I want to share something someone very special to me just sent to me.
She and I are ‘sisters’ and share a special connection made at
Miura Reien in May this year. I have never met her, but know that she has a special STAR in heaven!

The timing for this link, that she sent me, was so amazingly perfect
(as you can probably imagine if you read about my sad realizations
earlier tonight)….
Tonight’s late blog post is about LOVING the ‘wrong’ people…
where you get nothing in return,  and not finding that ULTIMATE,
content and peaceful end goal in life called a
Relationship.
I feel this struggle of finding that perfect LOVE constantly, and at
the same time I am so sick and tired of it all…
the games, the disappointments, and the fact that no man that ever
catches my interest is feeling anything for me, or more commonly is
not the kind of man I need or want in my life…
This morning I woke up to a private message in my Facebook inbox
with a “love letter” formulated in such a way, that I felt forced to
unfriend this person and even block that person from writing
to me again. Sadly…. in a way…

Once when I was about 21 years old I did find that special LOVE,
and I do treasure it still today, but life wanted differently and now
we are way far from each other.
In a way I have been thinking of him as a SOUL MATE,
probably it is more or less nostalgia and memories created by
a young woman’s hormones….
but for me that LOVE, that relationship was real, and since then
nothing has really measured up…not even my marriages… wrong men,
wrong for me… not the kind of people that should have come that
close to me…
I am also way too aware of the lurking dangers of cynism and
bitterness….
I don’t feel really trapped by those to evil ghosts yet,
because I am an upbeat, crazy and creative person,
who don’t really have time to spend being BITTER.
Instead way too often….

…I AM IN LOVE…

…in LOVE with LIFE itself…

My inner conflict(s)….

I want to LOVE and be LOVEd, yet I don’t want to be dependent,
and forced into a situation where I must LOVE someone in order
to maintain something important to me; whether that’s an important friendship, an abstract feeling, a situation, a prospect or an object.

I want to be LOVEd with all my flaws, both physical and mental,
unconditionally
I want to LOVE and do so without limits,
not controlled by anyone or certain days, or certain ways….
or by timing..just cannot….
YET
at the same time I wonder if it’s at all meaningful,
because it creates a dependency and a desire no matter how hard
we try… hormones always win somehow….
often against better judgment !! At least in my case… sigh

It is far more complex than I have time to write down tonight.
I just wish that there were more compassion and tolerance,
and less of egoism!
Yes, in the midst of this SELF LOVE…self-pitiness…
I’m asking for less egoism around me…
but self-love and egoism aren’t quite the same to me

SELF LOVE is this below, an acceptance of the SELF without desires
or attachment to the ego, but a striving for a good behavior
that INCLUDES and ACCEPTS others, just the way they are.
It stretches beyond the ego,
and include all other SELVES in one enormous
HUG of COMPASSION.
Egoism doesn’t care about others,
it destructs and competes….

Also I want to tell you ALL FRIENDS who support me every day:

 ♡  ♡  ♡  I LOVE YOU!!   ♡  ♡  ♡

Now here is the text….I wrote about WAY up there  that my
friend sent me >>>

“Sometimes, we use so much of our time waiting and searching for someone else to fill us up and love us that we forget how much love
we all already have inside that is patiently waiting to be released.
We could find that missing piece if we turn inward and remember
how special and beautiful we are in our core.

But, more often, we forget how to release this innate gift
and fall into our own joy and divinity.
We forget to connect to our power within ourselves.

When this happens, we usually end up giving our power away
and allowing someone else to define us. We allow ourselves to
be seen through others’ eyes, and eventually, forget what we
look like through our own. 

If we search for our missing half, our soul mate, in another person
we inherently believe we are not complete without someone else.
We convince ourselves we are not whole, and we can never be whole
until we find our true love.

I believe this false notion allows us to ignore our true potential
and avoid taking responsibility for our own love and happiness
.

We end up using precious time trying to learn, accept, and love
every possible mate, while dismissing the opportunity to
learn, accept, and love ourselves.

Sometimes, we are quick to welcome all the “beautiful” and “good”
aspects of ourselves, while avoiding the “bad” and “unacceptable”
pieces within us.
Would we do that to our true love, our soulmate?
Or, would we see and accept them for who they are?

I don’t think we will ever be able to love ourselves until we
acknowledge all our different aspects—the “strong” and the “weak”—
and start giving ourselves compassion instead of judgment.
A puzzle needs all its pieces in order to be complete.”

 

Pha That Luang

Laos-
Pha That Luang – or in Lao: ພຣະທາດຫຼວງ, The Great Stupa is
a gold-covered  large Buddhist stupa in the centre of Vientiane,
the capital of Laos.
It’s initial establishment is suggested to be in the 3rd century.
It is generally regarded as the most important national monument
in Laos and a national symbol.