The Matrix

Today I once agan watched a favorite movie: The Matrix.
This time I watched it with eyes of what I am going through right now.

Life has this amazing feature…
We accumulate experiences which changes us.
We meet people who informs us, teaches us, gives us
and they are in our life for different reasons and needs.
We also meet people whom we misunderstand,
who takes from us, who leaves us behind,
who hurts us.

The older we get, the stretch behind us becomes longer,
and the experience bank gets bigger and bigger.
This however, does not necessarily mean we get wiser and wiser.
ha ha ha

Because that’s another feature life has..
we are creatures of habit.
Behavior- and thought patterns for example.
We strive for perfection…
Tomorrow I will be a better person
Tomorrow I will eat healthy
Tomorrow I will be more patient
Tomorrow I will be a better friend
Tomorrow I will learn from what I have been through
Tomorrow I will spend less money
Tomorrow I will be more generous…
We believe we CAN change..learn… grow…. improve…
we are still the same
We are creatures of habits.

To think outside the box,
to be creative,
to be hopeful,
to be happy,
to be inspiring,
to love unconditionally,
to be kind,
is really not easy, regardless of our age, and days lived in our life.

Well let’s just face it …
Life is a dang roller coaster
Life has good days and bad days.
Life has good years, and bad years,
Life gives us new relationships
while others break.
Change is inevitable
When life is at its darkest
is also the very moment when it will turn!

Now going back to the Matrix,

The movie is filled with a huge amount of religious symbolism
and is certainly food for thought.
Which reality is real?
Whose reality is real?

When I saw Neo take the red pill,
I wondered about myself.
Am I ready to take a red pill?

Taken from wikipedia:
“As narrated, the blue pill will allow the subject to remain in
the fabricated reality of the Matrix; the red serves as a “location device”
to locate the subject’s body in the real world and to prepare him or her
to be “unplugged” from the Matrix. Once one chooses the red or blue pill,
the choice is irrevocable.
…Neo takes the red pill and awakens in the real world,
where he is forcibly ejected from the liquid-filled chamber in
which he has been lying unconscious…

In a 2012 interview, Lana Wachowski said:

What we were trying to achieve with the story overall was
a shift, the same kind of shift that happens for Neo,
that Neo goes from being in this sort of cocooned
and programmed world, to having to participate
in the construction of meaning to his life. “

Now this is what speaks to me.
Participate in the construction of meaning to my own life.
However, to take the red pill is certainly not a pleasure ride.
To take the red pill ….or not?
Tomorrow I will learn from my mistakes.
Tomorrow I will do things differently.
Tomorrow I will calm down.
Tomorrow I will be a better person…






Yesterday I posted a short video with a tunnel.
I’m quite fascinated by tunnels as a metaphor for transformation,
transgression, change, and  …. life

Tunnels can be dark and murky, and we talk about seeing the light
at the end of the tunnel.
Those tunnels can be scary, and we hope, and often believe,
that the coming out of the tunnel we will be free, happy and content.

Sometimes the tunnel is like the one in the blog post below,
It’s not dark at all….
bright and illuminated,
but still a place that takes us from one ‘reality’ to another.
The walking in a tunnel is a walk with an aim,
you don’t want to stay in that place forever.
The goal is really to get out of there.
You just have to get going…
In September 2011 I was in such a  bright kind of tunnel.

I was really happy. I was at Inazuma Rock Fes
On stage were great bands like:
Def Tech, Dragon Ash, Abingdon Boys School, and Gazette
Yet at the end of one of my blog entries from that week end I had written:

Do I have one?
I believe I do!
I just need to find it.

Eventually later that year I did find my purpose.
My mission met my passion.
The music in Japan and the live scene.
Somehow I was out of the bright tunnel and had found my path.

And once out I met tons of amazing people!
Tetsu great drummer (for ex. mintmints, ex. Ra:IN)  here a night
when we had drinks together at his bar Boogie Stock in Shin-Daita.

Going to live gigs I met some amazing people,
often one contact introduced me to another,
and got to know, and work with, many Japanese musicians up close.
One such band was Vorchaos.
We discussed strategies for bands in general, and for them in particular,
how to make it in this new global world.
I’m so happy they still play together and keep on going!

and time went on .. I wasn’t in a tunnel.
I was on a path! Out and about!
I had direction and purpose.
When you are on a path you don’t contemplate much.
There isn’t the same feeling present, as there is when you are in a tunnel.
You don’t search for the light at the end.
You just enjoy the ride.

With Derinjar at Chelsea Hotel  about 2 years ago.

And I sure enjoyed everything!

Now I am back in a tunnel… but another kind of tunnel.
This one is almost pitch black. Or it has been….
I’m beginning to see the light,
I’m going through change,
and I’m using the contemplative nature of being in a tunnel,
to think about what will be on the other side.
Often we just don’t know what will come…

What has happened … during my time on the path,
is that somewhere along the road,
I started listening to how other people thought I should act.
Where I should put my time.
How I should do things
How I should prioritize my time..

But now ….in the middle of the dark tunnel….
I woke up…
and Im back at a mental place where I am more in charge.
And I’m being creative.
I might not at all know what will come at the other end,
but I know this much..
there is an end also to this tunnel!

“This is my life,
my story,
my book,
and I will no longer let anyone else write it.
nor will I apologize for the edits I make”
Steve Maraboli




It’s a Tunnel

Almost 6 years ago
In a tunnel in Northern Japan (Tohoku)
It’s not the best video quality.
It’s really not much content at all,
but I’m busy working today.
and this video might,
or might not,
speak to you,,,,
as it speaks to me.
I’m fascinated by many things.
Mountains, running water,
social rules, communication,
language, brain chemistry,
religious beliefs,
political ideology,  human nature,
dualism, monism,
Daoism in contrast to Konfucianism,
habits, educational systems





Every day is filled with enlightenments.
Today I discovered that the writing process in itself
is the true healing process;
Not because I’m learning about my recent past,
but instead, how I can improve the future.
Not because I will be able to change to such a degree,
that I wont make any mistakes ever again,
but because I am becoming aware
that we all share the responsibility
for the past, present and future.
The true healing is really forgiving,
both forgiving myself,
and forgiving others,
and letting go.
Each one of us,
have our own pace and path
and we cannot rush anyone else to
I know today
I am not alone…
Next, I wish I could come to terms with
the rationale behind human short-comings
for that, writing a book won’t suffice,
only living my life
can help me see.
Sparkles & Love


April 2013


How about….

OK so how about sharing joy?
Sharing fun?

How about
Sharing accountability?
Sharing responsibility?
Sharing chores?
Sharing wealth?
Sharing possessions?
Sharing time?
Sharing hardships?
Many beautiful words:
Peace, love, friendship,
carry a lot of uncomfortable feelings
behind their cheerful facade.
There is always more we can do
to grow
True love, and true life
cannot be ignored.
It does matter
what you choose to do
Heart Sparkles